I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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