that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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