Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
