She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
