shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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