Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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