So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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