I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
