I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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