it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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