If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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