After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
