she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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