it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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