I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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