PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
