Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
They are going to name an STD after you.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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