Duck Duck Cougar?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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