I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
