i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
