Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
