Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
