Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
