Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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