Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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