Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
