i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
