um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
