I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
