yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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