yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
