im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You don't make any sense
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