I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
