Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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