I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
