Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
