There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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