WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
