dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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