she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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