he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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