Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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