Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize