so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
