Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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