i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
