there's paper in my vomit.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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