i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
