i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
