Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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