Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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